My chief concern was finding a solution that allowed me to continue living with Our Alice and Lullubelle. Separation from one another would have been traumatic enough for the two of them, but a three-way split would have been unbearable for all concerned. The more I thought about it, the more sense it made: I would move into the cottage and Grandy would come into the main house. Her increasing frailty had long been a concern. The prime benefit in the arrangement, though, would be that my daughter would continue to have both her parents on the same property.
There are all manner of ‘firsts’ happening every day, not least of these is the logistical nightmare that is ‘dinner for one’.

Pears in red wine with blue cheese. Lunch for one!
I’ve been tagged by mynakedbokkie to answer these questions. Because I’m not around the blogs much at the moment, I am not tagging anyone else.
1. What was your favorite holiday ever? Where did you go? What did you do?
Mozambique, 1997:
We got to the border post too early; it was still dark; we’d have to wait a few hours. I don’t know why we slept underneath the pickup truck; perhaps it was too loaded inside with all the provisions, the tent and the diving kit? But we did, and your shoulder was my pillow.
There was a storm on our first night, my first experience of a monsoon, but our tent held fast and – oh! – how we laughed in the morning when we saw the others’ bits and pieces hanging like Christmas decorations in the trees!
I’ve still got the speckled cowrie shell you gave me, but I had to throw the dress away long ago, it was threadbare from wear. It was the dress I lent Shasta to get married in, that same dress I wore on the beach that night. Do you remember how we laughed when the tide almost washed it away from where you’d thrown it aside? That was the night we made our beautiful child.
Later, when we sat by Gabriel’s fireside and listened to Terry sing American Pie and you grazed my shoulder with your beard and said this is perfect, this is what I’ve always wanted.
Do you remember?
2. Could you see yourself as a biker? (You see I could see myself as a biker, but it would seem that my entire social range thinks not. I want to know how many people I enjoy across the world share the same dream of one day being able to be a biker.)

Not really, my frock would fly up and everyone would see my knickers. This a picture of the rosy dress you all asked to see. Not exactly biker gear, is it?
And this is a picture of my new tattoo.

3. What is the worst lie that you have ever told? Did anyone ever find out?
When my daughter was very small, we had a cross-fox terrier named Rufus. Rufus was a rogue dog, a fighter and a sneak. He started snapping at her and gave her a really nasty bite. The next time he went for her, he aimed at her neck. I phoned my vet to ask for advice on training the dog. He said that he had observed Rufus’s behaviour on the beach and that the hound would eventually do some serious damage. He suggested I have him ‘put down’. A work colleague offered to take him, but the vet opined that I could not, in good conscience, ‘pass the problem on’. After much deliberation, I took Rufus in to be put to sleep. I told my child that he had gone to a special doggy-camp where he would learn to be good. Some months later, my step-daughter was visiting and she bluntly told my child ‘your mother killed your dog’. I felt perfectly dreadful and I don’t think my daughter has ever quite forgiven me.

4. Do you remember your first kiss? Tell us more?
Summer holidays. Bonfire. Sunburn. His name was Quentin Hepburn. The kiss lasted for two whole songs. As I remember it, one of the was Nights In White Satin, which is a very long song.
5. Do you still have a love that is no longer in your life, but that you often think about? That you perhaps wander what if…..?
Don’t we all?
6. What is the one thing that you would change about your physical self? Something that you can’t change through work and goals.
I’d like to have been a little taller.
7. Do you remember the first time you got absolutely trashed? Remember anything about it?
My friend and I were 16. My parents were away and my gran was looking after us. When she went to bed we raided my dad’s pub and made a ghastly cocktail of all sorts of liquor. We were outrageously sick. It was a good lesson.
8. When you were a child, what was the one thing that you always thought you could be or wanted to be? (Before life blind sided you?)
A florist.
9. What food would you not eat, because you are too busy thinking about what it used to be? (When it was alive.)
10. If there is one person that you could ask God to bring back for a little while longer, who would it be? (I would battle between choosing my gran and choosing my brother. I would be grateful for either.)
My mother.
11. What is your favorite day of the week? Why?
It used to be Sundays, but – now – not being married means that I have a lot of time which was once spent on doing the slap-up lunch. I’m still to find my new groove. For the moment I’ll say Saturday, because we are so busy at work and the time speeds by.

Sunday lunch for one: Chicken breasts stuffed with feta, basil and tomato and wrapped in bacon.


48 Comments Add yours

  1. Hotly Spiced says:

    I do like the look of your poached pears with blue cheese – I could eat that! And I love the image of the cat having a red wine. Your dress is beautiful and no, it does not make you look like a biker. I love how you told the story of the beginning of your romance with your husband? Great post Cin xx

  2. nrhatch says:

    Aww . . . Cin. Sorry to hear about your separation . . . I’m glad that you’ll all be on the same property, but I’m sure that the adjustments will be many.


  3. I love that dress, Cin… I hope you get through this next little while with a little peace.. xo Smidge

  4. Your tattoo is gorgeous! Love it. Now you are set to meet the perfect biker. 🙂

    Hugs to you. Sending you good thoughts of strength and sanity. I know it’s a difficult time, been there too many times.

  5. slpmartin says:

    Hoping all goes well in the future and am looking forward to your posts…now off to bed for me…Cheers!

  6. siggiofmaine says:

    Thanks for the thoughtful answers to the post. Please know that those of us who have gone
    thru similar situations…never the same, but similar, with all the changes, decisions, wondering what
    the future has in store, are here for you…I certainly am, and will keep you in my heart and prayers
    each night for support and strength. Much love to you.
    Peace, and cyber hugs (((♥))),
    Siggi in Downeast Maine

  7. leigh says:

    It’s deep blue but it’s beautiful 🙂

  8. souldipper says:

    That italicized response in #1 – how sensuous, Cin. Did you write about that and I missed it?

    I knew you would say “My mother.” That put a tug on my heart, Cindy.

  9. SidevieW says:

    Next time you do the pears, phone me to bring the cheese

    Endings are so painful,hugs.

  10. sonsothunder says:

    Wonderfully profound words to your daughter…and on parchment that can never be lost.
    Bless You

  11. buttercup600 says:

    Read this during tea break at Jury Duty….I cried a tear for you my friend!! Be strong Cindy, remember that happiness waits for all of us who cry, all of us who hurt, all of us who have searched and all of us who have tried…..I wish I could hug you…know that you’re loved. Here’s to the future gorgeous girl oxo

  12. Brenda says:

    Thinking of you and sending lots of love. O

  13. Napier says:

    My thoughts are with you.

  14. Oh my Cindy. My heart feels quite sad for you. Endings are jut a serious roller coaster of emotions. It may seem like the best decision, but there will be times ahead where you may wander if it really was. I have those times when I am dealing with Christmas and holiday and having to be separated from my baby girl. I think she is the only thing that takes me back. But I continually look for the pros for her Andre her feel like she is quite lucky. It was easier for her because she doesn’t remember a time on which her dad and I were together but she still asks.

    My heart is with you and your heart is in my prayers. I ask God to just heal your precious soul as quickly as He can.

    Thanks for doing the tag! I loves your answers. Xx

  15. Tes says:

    I can see myself as a biker and also in that rosey dress 🙂 I love it 🙂

  16. MissChris says:

    Ask Linda to get you into the bikers swing!!!
    Love you my friend – my heart really aches for you. xxxx

  17. Sparkle says:

    I am saddened but I know for sure that you wil make it through. Hugs and and I will copy Buttercup, know that you are loved. How is Obunn?
    (Now I am teary and my nose is runny :()

  18. yadayadafishpaste says:

    I’ve been alone for a decade; initially meals for one were no fun – I’d rather go hungry – but when I was hungry enough I decided that I had to get a grip; then, as I changed, my meals changed. Now I make meals I love and I enjoy the food, but yes, company around a table is a secret ingredient that no one has learnt how to bottle yet. Sjoe! What a year it’s been for you, Cin 😦 Hell, when things hit rock bottom, the only way it can go from there, is up. Hugs and more hugs.

  19. matron says:

    Love the rosy dress,everything will be okay with time. God always takes care of his children,
    Take care

  20. nursemyra says:

    sorry to read of your separation. Wishing you luck for a rosy future.

  21. Love your tattoo Cin.

  22. Colleen says:

    Such stunning writing #1 I ❤ you and you are always in my thoughts xxx

  23. suzicate says:

    Cindy, this is so beautifully written. I’m wishing you the best life has to offer.I do hope things work out the way you want them, too. Love and hugs to you.

  24. Ruth says:

    Loved reading you again, Cin, and especially your response to #1 – sumptuous writing. And your lunches for one look heavenly (you should see mine). Hugs, and wishing you the best of new worlds.
    PS. Love the new life in your blog – your favourite colour, am I right?

  25. Pseu says:

    So sorry to hear about a separation. Take care

  26. matron says:

    Like the rosy dress,

  27. Cindy, sorry to hear the changes are to do with such a stressful life change: but very glad you have found a way for Alice and Lulubelle to be together with you. I hope you get moments of calm amongst the forest of decision making. Hugs.

  28. *sigh* ain’t life something… your new body art, thou, tells me you’ve set your sights to a bright star…you’re a rock star, I’ve now worries. Biker, um yes. Truth, I’m still kinda hoping I hook with a biker…it’s one combo I’ve not tried yet, tra la la. Be well, stay well, and rock on ~

  29. Tandy says:

    ps, forgot to tell you I love the new theme 🙂

  30. dearrosie says:

    Glad you thought of a way to stay with the dogs, and be near to your daughter.

    I also love the new pink theme.

  31. Love your new theme.
    Sending you a big hug.
    🙂 Mandy xo

  32. adeeyoyo says:

    Cin, I hope things work out for you all and am glad you can stay together through the initial turmoil. May happiness find you again. Your tattoo is wonderful in appearance and in meaning…

  33. Bless you, darling. I hope you find some peace soon. xx

  34. Jamie Dedes says:

    I’ve been pretty much off-line lately and didn’t realize you are having such hard times, Cindy. Thoughts and prayers are with you…so relate to your feeling about dinner for one…the other hard thing is the sense of being “dumped” someplace all alone, huh?

    Wishing you healing and many blessings,

  35. Mal says:

    Hang on to the rosy dress, Cindy, and to all the lovely blessings you have… My prayers are always for your well-being and happiness, my dearest friend! Lots of love and hugs xx

  36. ceciliag says:

    Well darling girl it looks to me like things are happening fast in your neck of the woods.. I had no idea and do forgive me for not keeping in touch, tho i did wonder off and on, between scooping poop and dealing with farm stuff, why you were so quiet.. You will feel so relieved when everything is sorted, this is a hard time but also a wonderful time, dinner for one is a powerful place to be. You get to reclaim yourself. Maybe you don’t really want to yet, I don’t know, but you will be wonderful whatever your choice. You now have the ability to fly as high as you want, whenever you want, and for however long. Do not be afraid. This is an exciting challenge. It comes to all women one time or another. Sometimes we put ourselves in these positions more than once. You are so beautiful and so inherently independent. Take control. One step at a time, one day at a time. And bring your roses with you!! love love celi

  37. earlybird says:

    ‘Courage’ CIndy for a new way of life.

    One day at a time and remember when times are bad that things never stay the same for long.

  38. Oh my dear Cin! I am in tears here myself for you. You have had an incredibly difficult year. You are one of the most wonderful and spirited people I know. I don’t want difficult things to happen to you. Please know that my prayers are with you, even when you don’t feel them, and that i have complete confidence that your life is going to bring to you lots of wonderful things – and be chock full of the abundance of enough! It is my wish that you will find something every day to which you can look forward with joy!

    You birthday flew by – and even though I was aware of it, I kept telling myself that I would get my note off to you in a minute. . .it didn’t happen. So, I am going to be sending a special birthday greeting to you in a few days. Hold me to this promise. . .I have been forgetting and losing an awful lot of things lately. Have you seen my and my husband’s car keys by any chance? Both lost the same day, and they are yet to be found. . .

    Love you, girl!
    XO Paula

  39. granny1947 says:

    You are in my thoughts all the time my friend.
    Do you still have a landline?
    Please sms me.
    Love you lots.
    who is feeding the Bunn?

  40. klrs09 says:

    I revisited today in the hopes that you’d posted something new. The poignancy of this post is . . .
    well it just is. I hope things are well with you. Looking forward to a time when you’re posting again.

  41. Naomi says:

    Big, big hug to you Cindy…I’m so sorry to learn of the challenges you are dealing with and wish you all the very best in transcending them with time. Your new look blog is beautiful, and so is your enchanting Mozambique story. Having also been diving there many times, I feel the spirit of your words in my bones. Lots of love and strength, XO

  42. Naomi says:

    P.S. As for bikers – I can recommend them, heart and soul 😉 xo

  43. colonialist says:

    Been wondering where you were at. It would seem your life got unduly complicated. I hope in unsnarls back into some neat patterns.

  44. “Oh, my darlin’
    Oh, my darlin’
    Oh, my darlin’ Only Cin!
    Are you lost and gone forever?
    Please say “No!” my Only Cin!”

    I decided to send another comment your way instead of waiting for your next post – which I am confident will be coming when you are ready! Sending you a big hug! Can you feel it? There are lots of arms from lots of people all over the world who are joining me. Guess what? Your birthday greeting from me will be on its way this evening – in time for you to read it maybe first thing tomorrow (Sunday) morning.

    XO Paula

    P.S. I need some more pictures of your food, and the recipes to go with them. I have been longing for some Cindy eye candy and Cindy soul food!

  45. bluebee says:

    Hope you find some light soon, Cin – life is such a rollercoaster

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