When Cinny was a little tot

She used to wee wee quite a lot

But now she’s getting old and grey

She only wee wee’s once a day.

That was written by my dad in my autograph book when I was thirteen.  It’s quite sad that autograph books have disappeared, in my youth they were all the rage.  Anyway, the ditty is a lie and would take my father to task, but he’s up with the angels; no doubt making up shocking lies to tell them too.

No, now that I’m getting old and grey, I have to wee wee a hell of a lot more often and I tend to give very careful consideration to where I shop, eat and meet.  Rosebank, for instance, is extremely tricky.  If I choose Cranks  (the décor is nicely pornographic)  the lavatories are a 25 minute walk away and my food is cold when I get back to my table, by which time the old bladder is showing its age again.  There is a nice coffee shop adjacent to Exclusive Books, which is right next to a toilet; but that raises a whole new set of worries: the restroom is unisex (!) and I have to get my head around all the new terms the bored people in New York have invented for coffee-with-milk.

The most dangerous aspect to the Older Bladder Syndrome is Driving In Johannesburg.  I set off with something calming (Miles Davis is always a good bet) and I don’t have too much of a problem for about twenty minutes.  Then I hit William Nicol Drive and the panic strikes.  I am wedged into the middle lane, between angry executives in Jaguars and Sandringham dwelling, bored women driving recreational four-wheel-drive vehicles meant for rocky terrain in Scotland. Nobody is going to let me slip into the left lane to allow me to exit at the next fuel station forecourt, but if they did a drug-crazed driver of Toyota Hi-Ace would crash into me in the emergency lane.

I think I will write to the gentleman at Hyundai and suggest that they invent a little in-seat-device to address the matter.  They would most certainly corner a good market segment and the advertising people could have a real party with the copywriting.  They may even consider an exciting joint-brand campaign with the manufacturers of Incontinence Pants!

Before I go I’d like to give the Sandringham ladies a little hint: Hummers in suburbia are just plain silly.  If your husband has given you one, you may want to examine his reasons:  it is quite likely that he feels guilty about taking that girl from the typing pool out to lunch so often.


35 Comments Add yours

  1. hehe, i always suspect it’s the vibration from a vehicle engine that makes my bladder react that way.

    1. theonlycin says:

      You may have a point ….

  2. Madmom says:

    Oh yes, I know what you mean and I refuse to resort to Depends just yet. So bulky.
    Have a great day, Cindy.

  3. Greg says:

    I wholeheartedly second your opinion on the stupid trendy names for coffee, (although I think you’ll find it’ll probably be more the responsibility of Seattle rather than New York) It’s the same over in Australia. 3 weeks there and for the life of me I couldn’t order a simple cup of filter coffee without having people look at me as if I were some alien life form.

    As for peeing aplenty – coffee triggers it for me. That and the sound of running water. You know that sound. The tinkling, splattering sound of raindrops, rivers, running taps and splashing fountains….?

    Ooops. Gotta go.

  4. Gosh, that sounds like something to look forward to.
    Typing pools, do those still exist?

    1. theonlycin says:

      No idea, there must be a computer-age equivalent?

  5. Rosemary says:

    Now you got me thinking, I wonder what ever happened to my autograph book? Now the kids have their school clothing written on, which is such a waste of good clothing – but now I’m also showing my age.
    As for the bladder thing – it’s really is a logistical nightmare when planning a trip that involves more than one stop. I have to check the exact route before leaving and leave early to add the toilet time into the schedule!
    And lastly, if my husband bought me a hummer (yeah right), I would tell him to hum it all the way back to where he found it – no thanks.

    1. theonlycin says:

      Not for me either, thanks ;p

  6. leigh says:

    Hell, oh 🙂

  7. souldipper says:

    Autograph books were so cool – plus I, too, had a verse from my father:
    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Angels in heaven,
    Know I love you.

    Okay – so it wasn’t terribly original. But it was the world to me!!

    My best friend has the same whiz problem. We have to tack a 1/2 hour on to our visits! 😀

    1. theonlycin says:

      I’m actually going to dig mine out to see some of the old messages, one I remember:
      If you get married and have twins
      don’t come to me for safety pins.

  8. bandsmoke says:

    Morning up north – ah yes, autograph books take me back to my youth when somehow (in my world) the quality of verse was not critical it was more that everybody, including the male of the species, put down their mark – woo hoo! Terrifical Tuesday from me to you – Wildie 🙂

    1. theonlycin says:

      Enjoy your day, Wildie.

  9. Jo says:

    Maybe Hummers are just huge gas-guzzling Incontinence Pants….?

    1. theonlycin says:

      You could be right …

  10. Supa says:

    I remember having an autograph book as well, wonder what happened to it? I have no idea what half those coffee names mean, I stick to filter or cappachino.

  11. TeeHee!

    Once upon a time it was fur coast. Hummers now, huh?

  12. nursemyra says:

    I’ve still got my autograph book. I have Douglas Bader’s autograph in it

  13. bb(adair) says:

    Hummers anywhere look silly.On my last trip to Dubai I noticed they are all the rage, with the really wealthy having STRETCH ones to accommodate all their wives and children.

  14. “By hook, or by Crook, I will be the last one, to write in your book”. You have brought back such memories. I wonder if somewhere i still have one of mine!
    I can completely understand the toilet thing….. I am the same. My bigger worry though i smy Princess. They tend to only voice that they need the toilet when they have already been holding for some time. YOu gave never seen a mom pack up and pay a bill so quickly. If only every restaurant just had their own loo. Dont they realise people would drink more, and ultimately it would increase the turnover???

  15. Fun post, Cindy! My issue is that I HATE public loos, with a passion! So I would rather knyp than venture into some of the public conveniences … upmarket shopping centres are usually ok-ish, but I avoid all of them if I can.
    Sorry for the prolonged silence and absence … will explain soon.
    Sunshine xx

  16. Liane says:

    What a delightful read! haha

  17. halfp1nt says:

    Lol, I tend to knyp rather than use most public loos. I always seem to choose the one where the door doesn’t lock, and it’s a bugger trying to hover and keep the door closed at the same time!
    Haven’t thought about my old autograph book in years 🙂

  18. slpmartin says:

    We seem to have replaced the autograph books with Facebook…how sad….enjoyed your post.

  19. LOL great post full of great and singular truths, Cindy.

  20. suzicate says:

    Geesh, I’ve had one of those wee a lot bladders all of my life! I remember those autograph books!

  21. Ah, you’re so funny! I enjoyed your post. Blessings to you…

  22. lifeinarecipe says:

    Great post..it has me smiling..thanks for sharing! 🙂

  23. buttercup600 says:

    Loved this Cindy…still remember those autograph books!! oxo

  24. Naomi says:

    Oh yes, those autograph books! Thanks for a little trip down memory lane, and a great laugh at the joint-brand campaign concept 😀

  25. Love your post, Cin 🙂
    Another term for restroom is “technical stop for the gazelles” = ladies´ toilettes in Morocco. Driving in the desert for hours, no dunes but black stones under a very hot sun. The driver announced at last : “arrêt technique for the gazelles”. I was one of the three gazelles who got down the 4×4 Toyota, looked around and saw nothing but the road and stones, small and big, no tree, no nothing… but a scraggy sort of bush 100m away from the car. We stood there, not too enthusiastic. Amin looked at us, pointing to the small bare bush and repeated : “technical stop, gazelles, next one in two hours”. And so we went, cautiously looking for snakes, scorpions or spiders, two of us watching around as the third one had a “rest” 😉

  26. My “girly-bits” shut down when I have to use a public loo!
    When at home in SA, and out shopping with my aunt, we usually have to make a pit-stop at her home so I can tinkle.
    Also, the second I get into a car for a trip longer than 10 minutes, and even though I have just emptied my bladder, it seems I need to go AGAIN – urgh!
    🙂 Mandy

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s