TABOO?

A while back my friend and I watched a rerun of the movie American Beauty.  (Lester Burnham, a middle-aged office guy (played brilliantly by Kevin Spacey) who is infatuated with his teenage daughter’s friend.)

 

After the movie we got into a rather awkward conversation.  My friend related a story about an incident that happened on her daughter’s 17th birthday.  They’d thrown a pool party for her and her friends.  Picture lots of nubile girls in bikinis in the sunshine rubbing suntan oil on one another.  Anyway, my friend’s husband was doing the Dad thing and manning the barbeque for the kids’ lunch.  My friend noticed that his behaviour became more and more odd towards late afternoon; he was quite plainly trying to appear ‘cool’ to these girls.  He cranked the volume of the stereo way too loud and did silly things like jumping into the pool to splash those who were lying nearby.  My pal says they had very interesting sex that night.

So I started to think about this; about how a family dynamic can change when children make that transition to being sexual beings and I began to see it as a topic worthy of research. 

Only thing is, nobody wants to talk about it.  It appears to be taboo.

One woman I approached did give me a vague description of her husband’s ‘funny attitude’ when their teenaged son started sleeping over at his girlfriend’s house over weekends.  She says her husband started ‘strutting around like a Bantam and wanting sex every five minutes’. 

I find it a very interesting topic, I’ll have to wait 7 years and keep a beady eye on my old husband to see what happens when my girl is all grown up.  He’ll be 62 or so by then. 

I’ll let you all know about the every-five-minutes business…

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39 thoughts on “TABOO?

  1. the dynamics seem interesting. not everyone will mention them.

    i think we women go for a facelift/boob job or similar, but the men feel the alphamale position slipping away and want to keep it for a while longer.

  2. I’ve observed this, but not heard anyone speak of it. On the other hand, I’ve also observed men who conduct themselves with dignity and honor. Haven’t a clue about what makes the difference.

    Interesting post, Cindy. Maybe even a bit courageous.

  3. I think men go through the ‘male menopause’ which is the term used when they want to be reassured that they are still attractive to women and girls! In other words: an ego trip! This seems to coincide with when their offspring become adults. Some realise what is going on with themselves, others don’t. It is very embarrassing to both the wives and children which is why they don’t want to speak of it.

  4. BRAVO…….I think this is a topic that too many just don’t want to talk about because there are sooo many hipocrites and “closet cases” and I find it soooo sad Cindy!! I want to give you the biggest hug for bringing this up and would love to hear men commentating on this….a topic I think should be discussed more often. Good on you girlfriend!!!!! Mwah xxx

  5. When ever I counsel teenagers or their parents – then THIS topic comes up time and time again! The kids are embarassed because their Mums or Dads start the strutting or preening thing. The spouses are embarassed because it awakens sexual urges in their partners and they have NO idea how to handle it. To some it means that their spouses are turning into pedophiles or dirty men/women lusting after the young and beautiful as they awaken.

    But honestly? Let’s face facts here.
    With so much “sexual tension” in the air as the kids around them awaken to what is natural…. why wouldn’t some people get turned on? Surely at this point it brings back powerful memories of our own experiences at that age. Why shouldn’t it add a different dimension to your own relationship with your wife or husband? Does the fact that your kids are reaching that age suddenly make you dead from the neck down?

    What should be watched is WHAT people do with their own re-awakening if they find themselves in the midst of this. Do they take the urgest back to their partners or do they try and take from the youth that what is NOT theirs to take.

    Unfortunately some people are unable to differentiate between right and wrong at this point and actually actively hunt down more and more young nubile wenches and studs to feed their own sick perverted selfish urges.

    Very interesting topic this and one we talk about for hours within the psycho circle of mine. Good for you

  6. Thought provoking post on a rather Taboo subject indeed.

    In my teens, when I observed older men acting this way around me and my friends, their actions seemed comical . . . but we also felt “powerful” because we knew we had something that they wanted (and could not have).

    I saw a movie not long ago about a young girl who used her sexual power to get her step-father (?) to do her bidding. I’ll have to see if I can recall the name. At the moment, it escapes me.

  7. Way to go, Cindy, airing this stimulating topic! I missed that movie…should perhaps get around to watching it.

    Must say, I’ve noticed this scenario among both men and women, more prevalent in those who married very young and missed out on partying. I was just reading a mag article at the car wash this afternoon about maintaining the steam by fantasizing frequently, and commented to Dave that writing romantic fiction works a treat for me. Personally, I think a whole lot goes on inside the head 🙂

  8. Perhaps the answer is more closely correlated with the type of relationship the parents have than anything else…if the parents have a satisfying relationship, I would suggest that the reaction to this situation would be different than it they do not. Just a random thought from an old man.

  9. Love having someone throw open the drapes so the proverbial elephant is seen with its trunk in the peanut dish.

    Our High School is about a kilometer from the Village. Lunch hour means a steady stream of scantily clad, healthy young bodies that giggle, squirm and perform with varying degrees of “I know exactly what effect I’m having.”

    One of my friends, in his 60s, said to me a few years ago, “I’d love to meet you for lunch, but please, let’s make it later. I cannot afford the therapy bill if I have to weave my way through that forest of hard bodies.”

    I asked him about that and he confessed the difficulty he had in his 40s and 50s when his partner’s daughters were in their teens, streaking through the house in slipping towels and open housecoats. He admitted the difficulty it caused in his sexual relationship with their mother.

    Your anthropological comment puts it in perspective for me. This same male friend used to keep me well entertained with his comparative dissertations on the deep and innate sexual behaviour of man and God’s creatures. While we could enjoy the humour, the information he shared was a fascinating study.

    I really appreciate any light that men can shine on the subject, though it may have wise if I’d asked for the light about ** years ago. Not that the joys of sex ever die! Thanks be!

  10. We went from a generation where women were oppressed and had no rights, to a generation where children are sexualized and adults don’t understand age boundaries on an emotional level. I believe Cindy, that the emotional, mental and sexual innocence of children has been destroyed and adults now refuse to grow up. It’s been interesting to read the responses to this post and many of them don’t surprise me, sadly. I feel that what is being missed here, is the power aspect such an attraction holds for an adult male and I feel this, along with some seriously damaged view of both women and children as sexual objects is behind the behavior you describe of such men. It is important to state that not all heterosexual men have this reaction to teenage girls, scantilly clad or not and it is a sign of a deeper problem. Child abuse experts would consider this to be a repressed type of pedophilia, whether people want to acknowledge this or not. We have serious societal problem with the rationalization of blurring the sexual boundaries between children/teens and adults, be they male or female.

      • I agree, Cin – very well said, Val. Her comment prompts me to add that the reason my friend was in therapy was due to his fear of pedophilia – and I was amazed that he entrusted me with that knowledge (he’s since died of cancer).

        Val’s first two sentences have capsulized a society that I see on a regular basis and in such a succinct manner.

  11. I could not agree more about this topic. Parents tend to turn a blind eye when they realize that their chilldren have “steped” over into “adulthood” on the sexual front. Instead of the parents advising them about safe sex etc nothing gets done or said.

  12. I found myself laughing so loud. Very interesting subject. I sometimes shock my sisters by saying the least expect things. The look on their faces – priceless.

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