REMEMBERING THE HORROR

My husband really is a keeper. A truly wonderful man, he has all the right qualities: excellent taste in diamonds and wine, very easy on the eye, likes doing the grocery shopping and is an excellent cook. He also keeps his dogs until they become blind and smelly, which gives you some measure of the man. He did, however, give me a child some years ago, which makes me quite cross when I think back on it, but – then again – you can’t have everything …
We have jolly good time together, so it always surprises me when he gets out of hand; which he did one Saturday morning a couple of months ago. He interrupted my quiet reading to announce that we had to Have.The.Philistines.Over – that night! This made me so livid that I had to have a tot of whiskey in my coffee. To give you an idea of the horror that awaited me: these people went to the Celine Dion concert! Mrs. P. considers Wilbur Smith a good writer and Mr. P. wears mock-Crocks; they had recently vacationed at Margate and would want to show their photographs of Oribi Gorge. They would bring their children and allow them to talk. They would drink Fifth Avenue Cold Duck.
My GBF and I had a telephone chat and I had my defence strategy mapped out, I would cook a vicious Chicken Vindaloo. Perhaps this would make them refuse the next invitation?
Postscript:
Suffice to say the night was ghastly. My attempts to be as offensive as possible were misinterpreted and The Philistines brayed like randy horses at each insult I threw their way. Never again! I think I would rather take tea with Mr. Mugabe.
But my table did look very nice …

 

FOR THE MOST HILARIOUS ACCOUNT OF A BAD DINNER PARTY, GO AND READ NR HATCH’S POST:

http://nrhatch.wordpress.com/2010/08/20/how-not-to-throw-a-dinner-party/

 

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28 Comments Add yours

  1. deepercolors says:

    Like you said, you can’t have everything. You would think all that would have worked. Maybe next time you should smother them with kindness. Nah.

  2. adeeyoyo says:

    I hate being ‘forced’ into something against my will and having to put up a pretence of enjoying it. I sympathise with you!

    1. theonlycin says:

      All in the name of being civilised ;p

  3. granny1947 says:

    I am trying to picture you being rude….nope…doesn’t work.

    1. theonlycin says:

      lol … I am working in it ;p

  4. leigh says:

    I may be going to hell in a bucket, babe, but at least I’m enjoyin the ride
    ~ The Grateful Dead

  5. Kavita says:

    hahahaha… when you really wanna be and try to be rude, you actions are accepted with “grace” (wrong word for the Ps I guess… but you know what I mean)… and when you least meant to be offensive, everyone just seems to think that you are you are the biggest sinner!
    HOW ON EARTH do these things happen the way do?!?!?!? Please.. I really need to know!

    P.S: Yes, the table looks WOW (whistling and sounding crass..) 😉

    1. theonlycin says:

      LOL @ whistling.

      I don’t know how it happens, but I also offend when I don’t mean to …

  6. aardvarkian says:

    Too funny. I like that you put effort into being unsociable. It’s a dying art these days 🙂

    1. theonlycin says:

      Dead as a dodo 🙂

  7. nrhatch says:

    Too funny! Wonderful post to start my Saturday.

    There are those who are so easily insulted that you dare not say a word . . . except then they are insulted that you are silent. And then there are the Philistines:

    “My attempts to be as offensive as possible were misinterpreted and The Philistines brayed like randy horses at each insult I threw their way.”

    One of my faves: “They would bring their children and allow them to talk.”

    And thanks for the link.

    1. theonlycin says:

      You’re welcome 🙂

  8. Saffie says:

    Great link. Thanks

    1. theonlycin says:

      Enjoy the weekend Saffie 🙂

  9. klrs09 says:

    That was simply hilarious — poor you — I know exactly how you feel, though. Looking at your gorgeous table I would have to assume that you were a most gracious host, despite your livid-ness.

    1. theonlycin says:

      The Merlot helped 🙂

  10. gospelwriter says:

    Love this post – you have a wicked sense of humour… Philistines… Celine Dion! (O!M!G!)… and priceless:

    The Philistines brayed like randy horses at each insult I threw their way.

    Your table begs to differ with your words, methinks – I expect that outwardly at least you’re the most gracious hostess, no matter who your guests.

  11. gospelwriter says:

    Oh, I can’t resist. I just noticed the “Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)” under your blog; I clicked on the one titled Life, the Universe and Everything by Douglas Adams and found this (the opening line to said book):

    The regular early morning yell of horror was the sound of Arthur Dent waking up and suddenly remembering where he was.

    (speaking of horror…)

    1. theonlycin says:

      Thanks, I will go and read it :O

  12. Jingle says:

    http://thursdaypoetsrallypoetry.wordpress.com/2010/08/04/the-celebrate-poet-of-july-award-nominations-announcement/

    the deadline to vote for July poets is Sunday,
    thanks for the attention….

    Happy Saturday!
    u r nominated, thus u win one vote automatically,
    when u vote for other poets, u will obtain another vote for yourself…

    1. theonlycin says:

      Thank you, as always, Jingle.

  13. slpmartin says:

    Sounds like a dreadful evening.. so sorry…I’ve reached the stage in life that I don’t have to visit or be visited by anyone I don’t like. 😉

    1. theonlycin says:

      I think I have also reached that stage now.

  14. buttercup600 says:

    Not so long ago I had FRIENDS OF FRIENDS staying over from Melbourne for the weekend and decided there and then not to do it ever again!! It seems that when you live on the Coast, people take it for granted that they’re always welcome!!! I am so over it and cannot put on a smiling face when my inside says no!!…Rather drink my bath water!! Your table looked FABULOUS XXX

    1. theonlycin says:

      hahaha … drink the bath water! Must remember that!

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