RITUAL

It’s the same almost every single weekday morning; at exactly 6am I get a peck on the cheek and a see you later as he leaves for work. I pour my second cup of coffee and cut cheese for a sandwich, select a piece of fruit and take a bottle of water from the fridge. These things I place inside a green canvas lunch bag.

At twenty-five past six, I tentatively go into her bedroom. What will I find today? A sleep-crumpled cherub, who will let me snuggle for a minute and shower her cheek with loud kisses? No, more likely a grumpy gargoyle sprouting horns, who will spit and hiss like a little devil cat in protest at being woken. I do the deed quickly and flee back to the kitchen to fix Jungle Oats.

Then begins the true horror.

Where is my Alice Band, Mom?
I don’t know, where did you take it off yesterday?

Where are my shoes, Mom?
I don’t know, I haven’t worn them in ages.
Very funny Mom!

No matter how many times I suggest she prepares the night before, there is always one item she can’t find. Somehow I get the blame for this and there is much scurry and fuss and bad temper and we are almost late for school.

There, just as I am about to tell her that I won’t fetch her, that she can go home with someone else; she redeems herself and I am giving a fierce hug and those incomparable words. I love you Mommy.

She’s going to be thirteen next year. I think I’ll hang a garlic clove above her doorway and give her an alarm clock. I’ll take up with a jogging group who run at 6.15 and the wicked child can get herself sorted in the mornings.

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51 Comments Add yours

  1. nrhatch says:

    Hallmark doesn’t know what they are missing!

    I laughed all the way through this.

    My fave: “No, more likely a grumpy gargoyle sprouting horns, who will spit and hiss like a little devil cat in protest at being woken.”

    My difficult-to-wake nieces arrive tomorrow. I tend to let sleeping “devil cats” lie. : )

    1. theonlycin says:

      Our schools close on Friday for a short Spring break, how I look forward to being able to let her sleep as late as she likes 🙂

      1. JustMe says:

        Is it only your school? For how long? *worries that Little Madam is having a holiday that she does not know of!*

      2. theonlycin says:

        *checks calendar* Oh Lawdy, I got my dates waaaaaay wrong!

      3. JustMe says:

        Sjoe *wipes brow* You had me panicking BIG TIME!

      4. theonlycin says:

        *makes appointment to get eyes tested*

      5. JustMe says:

        *wonders if Chelsea would happily have stayed at home and pretended it was holiday!*

      6. theonlycin says:

        She’d have been furious with me …

    2. JustMe says:

      Did Chelsea not think that you were mad? Saying there was a holiday? *wonders if Chelsea would have happily stayed at home*

      1. JustMe says:

        This is weird!! It shut down without posting and now it’s here! How do I delete one comment?

      2. theonlycin says:

        Never mind, WordPress is doing weird things today.

  2. Delightful, as always, Cin!

    1. theonlycin says:

      Many thanks Rik 🙂

  3. souldipper says:

    Why moms learn to be such clever and creative strategists.

    1. theonlycin says:

      We learn as we go along *wink*

  4. hehe – you as a jogger – hmmmmmmmmm????

    take up tai chi at the zoo lake of something

    1. theonlycin says:

      The mental image of myself doing tai chi is as hilarious as the one of me jogging!

  5. buttercup600 says:

    I laughed so much at this and it brought memories back that I’ve almost forgotten!! You have a wonderful way with words Cindy…I so love coming here!!

    1. theonlycin says:

      Thanks my friend, I’m going to need a lot of strength to cope over the next few years!

  6. Tandy says:

    the joy of tweens!

  7. deepercolors says:

    My grandson turned 10 last May. Already mouthing a little at his Grammy. Althought I still usually get my hug. Sigh. Adolescence. It too shall pass.

    1. theonlycin says:

      At least his granny can always send him back where he came from 🙂

  8. JamieDedes says:

    You’re too funny! Very good …

    I had a grumpy gargoyle in my life once. Enjoy it while you can, Cin.

    1. theonlycin says:

      I forsee much Merlot medication *wink*

  9. adeeyoyo says:

    I am amazed that I didn’t go through this with my children – I put my parents through merry hell and should have had my turn! The sleeping-in is a teenage thing I think they all go through – maybe growth spurts or hormones? Good luck, Cin.

    1. theonlycin says:

      My parents took no nonsense at all from us back in the day 🙂

  10. nzwakaduja says:

    Mother child relationships always fascinate me. The fierce fights (mostly from the teen to the fierce hugs and I love yous.

    1. theonlycin says:

      Could get interesting in the near future ;p

  11. Count Czardas says:

    Jogging would make it a very phyrric victory indeed.

    1. theonlycin says:

      Yes, and I may face litigation from unfortunate witnesses.

  12. Kavita says:

    hahaha.. like THAT is gonna happen! You will end up making the entire jogging group delay their jogging thingie by say another half hour! 😉

    1. theonlycin says:

      You may have a point Kavita 🙂

  13. leigh says:

    A great read 🙂

    1. theonlycin says:

      Thanks my friend 🙂

  14. sonsothunder says:

    Good luck with that… the Alarm Clock I mean… the culprit is the sins of society, n not you…Sins passed down for centuries…through the spreading of the “Oats” of the jungle.
    God Bless you …
    paul…I mean that

  15. sonsothunder says:

    Or…as Paul Simon put it:

    Words & music by paul simon

    No I would not give you false hope
    On this strange and mournful day
    But the mother and child reu-nion
    Is only a motion away, oh, little darling of mine.
    I cant for the life of me
    Remember a sadder day
    I know they say let it be
    But it just dont work out that way
    And the course of a lifetime runs
    Over and over again

    No I would not give you false hope
    On this strange and mournful day
    But the mother and child reu-nion
    Is only a motion away, oh, little darling of mine.

    I just cant believe its so,
    And though it seems strange to say
    I never been laid so low
    In such a mysterious way
    And the course of a lifetime runs
    Over and over again

    But I would not give you false hope
    On this strange and mournful day
    When the mother and child reu-nion
    Is only a motion away,
    Oh, oh the mother and child reunion
    Is only a motion away
    Oh the mother and child reu-nion
    Is only a moment away

    Possibilities of Paul’s frame of mind while writing said tune: As elusive as Carly Simmons> You’re so vain!!!
    Here’ more > http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=1997

  16. granny1947 says:

    I suggest you leave home and come back when she is 40!!!

    1. theonlycin says:

      I’ll miss my kitchen and my dogs. Can’t I send her to you instead?

  17. MissChris says:

    I get the garlic, I need to warn you it does not get better, but the one thing that really had me rolling was the thought of you joining a running group!
    Now really Cin, why would we want to punish ourselves that badly???? 🙂

    1. theonlycin says:

      Oh Chris, maybe we could just get the lycra kit and lurk on a bench in the park with a picnic basket?

  18. Rosemary says:

    Oh how I identify with this!

    1. theonlycin says:

      As the older peeps above have stated, we’re in for a rough time yet Rosemary!

  19. Lyndatjie says:

    I remember reading this the first time and identifying with it 100%
    I never know whether I’m getting the serpent with 50 different heads or a soft cuddly bunny… *sigh*

    1. theonlycin says:

      And you have two of them Lyndatjie, my sympathies indeed!

  20. izziedarling says:

    Cin, hang the garlic clove NOW, take up with running group and keep running ………

  21. slpmartin says:

    Oh…those lovely teenage years….when parents lose all intelligence…not to be regained until the child’s twenty-first or first year alone after college…enjoyed this post because I survived it. 😉

    1. theonlycin says:

      You give me hope 🙂

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