There are some blogs I follow in awe, so impressed by their content that I sneak away, like a voyeur, without ever leaving comment. There’s an Italian girl who posts her photographs of the most exquisite interiors, there’s a florist in Germany who has a singular talent of being one step ahead in floral design, there are graphic design blogs from Japan … I won’t list them all. One blog I visit from time to time is written by a group of young British amateur film-makers. They tap into the world of alternative movies and feature new films. Much of it is way beyond me and, most of the time, I can’t understand what on earth the film is about. Their recent feature just shocked me to the core.
“The Human Centipede” has to be the most horrifying film ever made. Most disturbing for me was the question of what sort of mind had conceived of a plot where a deranged surgeon sews his victims, mouth-to-bum with other victims, to create a great big worm.
I was so upset I had to have a tot of the cooking sherry in my morning coffee and go out into the garden to think about more pleasant movies. I contemplated a film about my own life: Dame Judy Dench would star as me, in floaty ensembles, leading a very busy life and rushing about attending poetry readings in beautiful buildings.
Reality soon hit home and I had to concede that it would more likely be Brenda Blethyn starring, in an egg-stained velour track suit; pushing a shopping trolley down the detergent aisle of our local Shoprite.
Oh well, the daydream was a nice interlude, best I get myself ready to tackle the weeds in the rose garden.