1659, way back when (who knows if it was morning or evening, the history books tell us it was the 2nd of February, so we can be pretty sure it was a nice summer day in Cape Town), old Jan van Riebeeck made the first wine ever recorded in South Africa. It was very likely this rather vile concoction that made his wife, Maria, act so loopy. We’ve all heard how she carried on when they lived at The Castle of Good Hope, flinging her clothes off and swimming naked in the pool, in full view of the servants.

Old Jan continued to fiddle, with both his wine-making formula and one of the neighbours, and soon the name Constance was popping up all over the place. A new wine appeared: Vin de Constance. A new farm was built: Constantia! Evidently our Jan was hopelessly devoted to old Connie, who – one must assume – didn’t swim at all.

Which brings me to thoughts of my own swimming habits (I like swimming!) and the prospect of donning a bathing suit in the fast approaching summer (daunting!) without making the poor man dash away and find a Constance of his own. This winter has not been kind to me and the sight of my pasty, be-dimpled self in the mirror this morning gave me quite a turn.

I’ve just looked up the calories in Merlot (on one website I was alarmed; a man started talking to me about post-pregnancy weight loss! His voice made my dogs sit up and bark at the PC) and find that there are about 500 calories in a bottle of Merlot. Port weighs in at a hefty 180 calories a glass. No port for me then.

After due consideration, I think the muumuu* may just be the right look for me this summer.

* muumuu = loose and airy frock of Hawaiian origin, that drapes the body. Looks like a tent.


26 Comments Add yours

  1. JustMe says:

    I’ll just have to EAT less then! From now on it’ll be merlot only for supper LOL

    1. theonlycin says:

      yes, a loaf of Merlot for me thanks 🙂

  2. Rosemary says:

    I think Maria sounds like a lot more fun than boring old Connie. Swimming naked (even in front of the servants) is so much more fun!

    1. theonlycin says:

      Poor Maria popped off at the age of 35, wonder if she caught a cold or if it was Jan’s wine?

  3. MissChris says:

    Oh hell yes – I swear my whole body is covered with cellulite – I promise you – it even prompted me to put on some quick tan this morning – hoping to hide it!!!
    I have also managed to build up a nice little fat reserve this winter (which I damn sure as hell don’t need) – I found an extra 4 kgs of lard………………………………………………….
    I am not happy!!

    1. theonlycin says:

      All my stuff seems to have taken a trip of at least 2 inches Southwards 😦

    2. theonlycin says:

      All my stuff seems to have taken a trip of at least 2 inches Southwards 😦

  4. buttercup600 says:

    OMG….I laughed so much when I read this…Maria de la Quellerie naked in the pool…en jou beskrywing van be-dimpled self….ek kan nie ophou lag nie!! My motto…ek sal baie prysgee…maar ‘n goeie rooiwyn en Port…nie in ‘n miljoen jaar nie!!! Muumuu is ons voorland!!! Ek gaan nou lekker slapies….Mwah oxox

    1. theonlycin says:

      Klink my onse Maria was noggal ‘n Wille Willemien in haar dag, arme vrou.
      Lekker slaap.

  5. Supa says:

    Change the pic and put this up @ FTLOW.

    1. theonlycin says:

      Cor blimey, I’ve already submitted it with this pic, what was I thinking! Better go and change it!

  6. brian says:

    swimming naked definitely has its allure…and with enough merlot…

    1. theonlycin says:

      Yes Brian 🙂 and as long as it’s dark enough so no one’s eyes get hurt!

  7. adeeyoyo says:

    Ah yes, with me it’s more the southward journey than the dimples. I’m opting for long shorts and tees. (and perhaps a little Dutch courage too)

    1. theonlycin says:

      I think I’m going to do the layered look ;p

  8. nrhatch says:

    Aah, yes.

    We arrive at an age where we must choose between skinny dipping (in firm splendor) and sipping dine wine.

    Une autre bouteille, s’il vous plait.

    1. theonlycin says:

      Dine wine it is then. *pops cork and pours for Nancy*

  9. suzicate says:

    Dang that merlot, my fave! Yeah, I was tempted to wear a muumuu this year, but figured I’d get far more stares than letting my flab swing!

    1. theonlycin says:

      You may have a point there suzicate 🙂

  10. Baglady says:

    I think I will also need a muumuu.

    1. theonlycin says:

      Maybe we can put in a bulk order Baglady 😉

  11. klrs09 says:

    This is my approach to calories, especially as they relate to beer and wine: in summer they have no calories — they are simply a liquid to help keep you hydrated and to keep you in a suitably bubbly mood while you have fun with friends and family. Of course, I would never drink enough to go swimming naked or fling my clothes off in front of the servants — but then I have neither of those things, so, in truth, who knows? Thanks for explaining muumuu.

    1. theonlycin says:

      What a good philosophy!

  12. halfp1nt says:

    There’s no such thing as cellulite. It’s braille for hubby’s fingertips 🙂

    1. theonlycin says:

      Oh, thanks Shrty, I think I will use that quote!

  13. slpmartin says:

    Oh, now this was such a clever post…but from the photos you’ve shown you should be fine on the beach no matter what you wear. 😉 Of course, I don’t swim so my opinion may carry little weight..sorry about that last line. 😉

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