TAKE TWO ASPIRIN AND CALL ME IN THE MORNING

When I realized that I had had the ‘flu for almost four weeks and that a midday cigarette was no longer helping to clear my phlegm, I reluctantly made an appointment to see our family physician.

For quite some time I have had a rabid mistrust of doctors. It always amazes me when I hear of somebody taking himself off ‘for a check-up”. If there is nothing wrong, your man is hardly going to say: You are in extremely rude health, off you go, no charge.

No, they have spent many years in a secret sect, where they have been indoctrinated with the discipline: You Must Diagnose. That is why, when you have an earache, say, or an ingrown toenail; they will tell you to disrobe and lie down. Although they know full well that a bit of salt-water gargling will set you right in no time, you end up in a queue at the chemist for a bag of tricks the equivalent cost of a purebred horse.

They will never allow you a common cold or call you a hypochondriac to your face, they will scare you or indulge you by Making Things Up and you will leave their consulting room with the evil and sore-sounding Brucellosis. (On the upside, they are very game about writing letters to your boss; which effectively allows you to watch television in your nightie all day and not do the dishes).

Having thought all this through, I think I’ll stick to Merlot, cancel seeing doctors ever again, have a nice lie-in when I feel ill and go for an aromatherapy massage afterwards. It’ll certainly be cheaper.

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9 thoughts on “TAKE TWO ASPIRIN AND CALL ME IN THE MORNING

  1. I think I need a “spend the day in your nightie” day … mmm wonder if the doctor can see me later this afternoon *evil cackle*

  2. I agree with you, but they have you by the short & curleys. I have a chronic script so I have to pay 6-monthly visits for the renewal of this. On my last visit he insisted on a full blood screen as he thought I looked ‘anaemic’. Of course this cost an arm and a leg and everything was A-OK!

  3. Like you, I tend to avoid doctors unless something is obviously broken.

    Last week, I went for a “check up” to establish a relationship with a doctor down here ~ first time to a family physician in 6 years.

    His conclusion – I’m healthy.
    Bloodwork – Normal.

    My response – Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!

  4. does pinotage count? trust you feel better by now.
    docs here never want to see you or diagnose you, thats what you get for ‘free’ i guess!

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