JOLLY HOCKEY STICKS AND FUNNY NAMES

Good manners bade me call on the wife of a client recently. The woman is someone whom I have been known to go to the greatest lengths to avoid. There was one incident during a function at The Johannesburg Country Club, when I fled into the Gentlemen’s toilet; which resulted in a quite nice engagement party and my current happy marriage. As usual, I digress; there was a new baby and a courtesy call was unavoidable.

Said Wife-Of-Client is that breed of despicable woman: The Organiser. Without being told (alas, you will be – at length) you just know that she was the girl with the clipboard and whistle at school fetes. Not only will she be a voluntary tuck-shop mom when the time comes, she will offer to be the convener and the treasurer. I believe she will develop a secret crush on the Headmistress.

A great fan of Dame Barbara Cartland, WOC has a poncey, affected way of speaking and – through the biggest teeth I’ve ever seen – imparts little gems of advice to me, pertaining to mixing with people who are ‘not our sort’.

WOC’s parents once encountered Mr. Richard Burton at a rehabilitation centre (which posed as a ski resort) and the family have since had a fixation with all things Welsh. WOC has given her three unfortunate looking sons throat-clearing Gaelic names. The first born is Ahern, a boy so dreadful that Original Bunn refused to accompany me on my visit. Precisely two years after Ahern, the devil incarnate made his appearance and was christened Caradogh. This newest, putty-faced arrival has been gifted with the lovely moniker; Llywarch. I can’t mention their surname here, but I know that these children are going to be very cross with their mother when they start school.

I stayed on a bit in the hope that the drinks trolley would make an appearance, but when they put on their Mal Pope records, I ran like the wind and stopped off for a visit at Kev-The-Mick’s house. Altogether a nicer experience; ‘our sort’ or not.

Related post on funny names for children:

http://thelaughinghousewife.wordpress.com/2011/05/18/i-like-not-that/

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31 Comments Add yours

  1. Val says:

    LOLOL I can just see her Cin, oh yeah. I have one over here on the rock, makes lists endlessly and says things like, ‘finger food’ and when talking about what she calls her ‘social gatherings.’ Basically that means a bowl of potato chips and three gossiping women. Can I send this broad over to meet your broad? Maybe they could start a club or something because you just know they’d love that lol

    1. theonlycin says:

      No, better idea Val, I’ll send mine over your way *evil grin*

  2. adeeyoyo says:

    Bwahahaha! Heaven forbid I ever end up at the mercy of your tongue, Cindy! Great writing, girl! Five stars for that *****!

  3. MissChris says:

    Ja nee wat! And in reality those are the actual people to avoid!! Eek I hate toffee nosed pompous prats who at the end of the day behave more horribly than the supposed uncultured!!

    1. theonlycin says:

      I wonder why politeness stops us from telling them they’re pratts?

  4. Steph says:

    I can just picture her. She sounds like a sort of Hyacinth Bucket! Those names are dreadful to say the least.

    1. theonlycin says:

      She makes Hyacinth look like a peach.

  5. Count Czardas says:

    Who is Mal Pope ?

    1. theonlycin says:

      Some guy who sings covers of Bonnie Tyler songs, I think.

    2. Count Czardas says:

      Bonnie Tyler covers ? That’s Waldron The Walrus, I think.

      1. theonlycin says:

        No One Ever Noticed the Walrus. …

  6. Count Czardas says:

    I thought the rooster was John because it wore his glasses. I think I said that before.

    Notice nobody accuses George of being the walrus ever….

    1. theonlycin says:

      Paul is the hippo, George is the bunny and Ringo is the rooster with the glasses …

      1. Count Czardas says:

        Waldron probably thinks the song is about him. He’s so vain.

      2. theonlycin says:

        He probably thinks he’s David Geffen …

  7. twolips says:

    Hi there! And here I thought you’d got lost on LD! Glad to have found you. I dislike such pretensious people, as for those names…..poor kids.

    1. theonlycin says:

      Hello twolips, super to see you here.

  8. halfp1nt says:

    I foresee those children being teased mercilessly one day at school.

    1. theonlycin says:

      When you hear their surname, you understand just how bad the teasing is going to be.

  9. Lyndatjie says:

    Are you sure you are not talking about my Ex’s mother? That woman was so pretentious she used to absolutely refuse to speak to the cleaning people and only spoke to the Housekeeper. Yucky people!

    1. theonlycin says:

      Maybe WOC is married to your ex? In which case she desrves the mother.

  10. izziedarling says:

    “Not our sort” – what a messed-up, heinous creature. People who use that phrase are those who were known as NOS before metamorphosis. And to brand your own children with horrid handles – well, they’ll all be behind bars before they are 10. Stay away from her. Ewwwwwwww.

    1. theonlycin says:

      Yes izzie, BIG ewwwwww!

  11. grandawn says:

    What an ordeal! Thank goodness you survived!!

    1. theonlycin says:

      A drink would have helped grandawn.

  12. Tilly Bud says:

    I hope none of your clients read this blog!

    Here’s something I just read that you might find useful:

    http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/18/unsolicited-parenting-advice/

    1. theonlycin says:

      Thanks, I’d have given the guy a kick on the shin!

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