Don’t get a fright, this is your 46 year old self and I thought I’d drop you a line. I know you smoked weed last night and will probably think you are having some kind of hallucinogenic experience, but just indulge me and carry on reading. (And don’t feel too bad about the weed; it turns out to be something you don’t really enjoy, lucky for you).
So, where you’re at right now is quite a complicated business hey? I wish I could make it easier for you, but there are some things you have to suffer through; it’s a bum deal, but life’s like that. I do want to ask you to be nicer to your mom, she’s not deliberately trying to cramp your style; she’s wiser than you realise and only wants that you realise your full potential. She’s going to die too young and you’re going to kick yourself for being such a pratt. You’ll miss her more than I can tell you.
Boys. Hoo-ha, do you have some trouble coming! What can I say; you already follow your heart and not your brain. If it helps at all, rest assured that there is a happy ending. All those toads you will kiss will only make you appreciate the Frog Prince, who eventually comes along, all the more.
You’re going to waste a lot of money on red shoes, my dear, no amount of advice from me to put the money into Unit Trusts instead is going to make an impact on you, and so I’ll just say that you should wear the shoes well. Make them high heels, because I can tell you right now you’re not going to get any taller, no matter how many hours you spend stretching and hanging from the bathroom door frame.
There’s lots of other stuff … wear sunscreen, don’t smoke, wear a bra … but I’m getting a little tired now and need a nap.
Be kind to yourself Kiddo, everything is going to be OK.
I love you.
Ps: Don’t bother with trying all the other perfumes, you’ll always return to Chanel No. 5.