PORN IN THE MORNING

I read in a recent newspaper report that the majority of teenagers watch pornographic footage, either on DVD, their cell phones or on the internet.  This completely mystifies me; I don’t quite see the point of watching other people have a go at it.

In the interests of being in the swing (as it were) with modern trends, I went along to the local film rental place and asked the fellow at the counter for one of these naughty flicks, which he fetched from the back room.  Even the cover made me blush!

With a nice cup of tea and some ginger snaps, I settled down to watch the show, but had to stop quite early into the footage to put the dogs out, as the screen noises were making them howl and growl.

Back then to the lounge and the story, which commences with a girl (implausible breasts and French, it later emerges) surveying a flooded kitchen and moving to a telephone on the wall, where she makes a call. (No dialogue, elevator music). Immediately, her doorbell rings and she opens the door to admit The Plumber. (Looks like Vernon Koekemoer, but blonde). The Plumber fiddles under the sink for a while and – before he can open his toolbox – the girl is naked on the floor and so is The Plumber and off they go!

This is all very alarming as they have not even formally introduced themselves, and it soon becomes apparent that there is a language barrier and that the girl is very thirsty (or perhaps concerned about all the water on the floor).  She keeps crying out “Eau! Eau! Eau!” and the daft man just keeps answering “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

OBSERVATION: The continuity girl on the crew should be fired: at one point the camera goes to a close up of the plumber chap eating what appears to be a pomegranate, the camera pans back to their rutting bottoms and the viewer sees that the cast and crew have left their lunch leftovers on top of the washing machine.

The camera now moves to a lady (next door neighbour, alerted by the noise?) peering in at the window.  This lady rushes into the kitchen to help, tearing off her clothes (it’s a flood for heaven’s sake, not a fire?!) and leaps onto the writhing pair, also shouting “Eau! Eau! Eau!”

At this point I am interrupted by a telephone call and take the time – the caller is a crashing bore – to dash off this post.

I am going back to the lounge now to see if they get married at the end, but I think I’d much rather watch a film with a bit of a car chase in it …

©Cindy Taylor 2008

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23 thoughts on “PORN IN THE MORNING

  1. Most porn movies are like this. Very boring and unimaginative…Sometimes I don’t get it either. But, sometimes I do get it. Strange thing, hey?

  2. And sometimes when they are busy “boing” it you wonder how the hell did he get that in there from that angle???

  3. Just so you know. I’ve read all your blogs here. You still take my breath away Cin. You inspire me to read…and write.

  4. Miss you in (the other) Blogville. It’s just not the same. A weird atmosphere – a lot of the fun has disappeared with you.

    Re the post: give me the car chase anyday!

  5. Noticed that Grace has bookmarked your blog, so thought I’d take a peek.

    I’ll have to come back to the poems later, but I love how you describe this entire situation as if you were reviewing, I dunno, Iron Man, with domestic life breaking in now and again. The normalness of the routine around your act of watching pornography makes this post quite funny.

    Also love the line about the “nice cup of tea and some ginger snaps.” 🙂

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