Like that chubby girl on the BBC, I consider myself to be a bit of a domestic goddess and, like her, I too have an indulgent older husband who does not pester me to go out and get a proper job. I do get annoyed with her habit of dipping her fingers into everything and licking, but I suspect that’s all just an act to get the blokes to watch her shows.
This goddess business manifests itself in a big way on Sundays, I like to start very early and make a slap-up production of the whole thing, culminating in a rowdy, crowded table; with Grover Washington Junior in the background, Merlot in the foreground and some Cointreau before I send everyone away and have a nice nap.
Yesterday, however, this near-perfect man; with whom I have agreed to grow old, threw a (literally!) spanner in the works. After – apparently – being struck by thoughts relating to the devil and idle hands, his Calvinist work ethic kicked in and he decided to Fix Something. I cannot begin to explain the terror that this creates in our home. It inevitably involves loud cursing over missing tools, hammered thumbs and the power supply often trips. The dogs cower and whimper and the cats disappear for days. Visiting children have wept and not been allowed by their parents to come again.
Needless to say, chaos ensued and the upshot of it all was a flooded kitchen, my second in a month. I was forced to retract my invitations to the rowdy crowd and slunk off to the lounge to watch the DVD collection of LOST, Seasons 1&2; a misguided Christmas gift if ever there was one, but I reserve it for times when the Merlot makes reading difficult and I have shut down the computer to avoid drunken blogging.
Perhaps it is the Merlot, but I do not have the slightest notion of what the plot is in this series. It appears to be about an implausibly beautiful bunch of youngsters (there is one amazingly round lad, but he seems the most likeable of them all), who have been stranded on an island after an airplane crash and are being manipulated by a sinister deity via computer. I can’t understand that none of them had the international call roaming facility on their cellphones and I am trying to figure out why CNN haven’t sent a reporter to find them…Anyway, it took my mind off what was going on in the kitchen.